if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this just has baby written all over it
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
