I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
