He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
