My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
