If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
