In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
