I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
