what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
