either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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