I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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