ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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