So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
