There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
