"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
