We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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