I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
