No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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