I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
