If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
