absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
