super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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