Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
