He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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