Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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