he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
we're so committed to being not committed
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
