Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
