I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
