I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm at about main and main street
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
