dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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