My balls are so social today.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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