Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
