Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
