I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
