i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
