My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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