so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
