Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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