I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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