Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
