i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
