census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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