Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
