you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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