i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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