She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
