Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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