dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
