You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I will be naked everywhere
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
