Tell her she can't have a vagina
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
