uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
