Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
