"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
