I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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